It has been exactly one week.
One week since my prayers (some of them anyway) have been answered.
I've been praying them since March.
How much longer God?
How much more do I have to endure?
For those that don't know, work has been a real difficult situation the last 8+ months. New boss in January. Didn't make good first impressions. Shook things up in March.
Legally I am not allowed to disparage them in anyway or my contract for salary extension will be retracted. But suffice it to say some decisions were made that affected me very negatively. My stress was high, my anxiety was back, depression came to light, existing back pain quite aggravated.
I was constantly asking God when I could leave. Silence for the longest time. Many occasions I looked for another job but nothing ever gave me peace. I began to plan for an exit by next March. When it got bad, I moved that up to Christmas. Then feeling no peace about that, went back to asking, when can I leave?!?
Then, I thought I felt Him say stay. Luckily distraction set in full force the next month. Then I took a vacation. Then I began a plan with my doctor on reduced work hours for my back pain. But even though things settled down again, even had a slight upturn, I just was so tired of waiting for everything. Especially since I knew this job was nearing an end, I could just feel it, I just wasn't sure how much longer I could wait for God's plan to unfold. So I asked again. This time I was sure I heard stay. I could never get a why. Just stay.
That was November 7th. The next 3 days of work were some of the best I've had in months. I'd finally let go and just trusted the 'stay'.
November 12th I was laid off. With quite enough severance. I felt not only like my prayers were answered but I was super blessed. It was the best scenario that could have happened. I have so much more freedom and potential now than if I quit.
Many people keep making sure I am ok. I am :) I have learned from other lay-off what not to do, and one of them is not to get stuck in the past. There were great things about my job that I have to leave behind. Most of all friends and financial security. But life is too short to get hung up on the what ifs. There isn't time to be sorry.
God had this up His sleeve. He has something in store for me. This was perfectly planned or I would have been able to leave months ago.
For the last few weeks a song has played excessively on the radio. I am convinced no one else is hearing it as often as I have. For a reason. It's for me. The key lyrics are:
Take your shot it might be scary
There’s no one standing in your way
We don’t have to be ordinary
Make your best mistakes
‘Cause we don’t have the time to be sorry
I am waiting, heart wide open to what 'my shot' is. What my 'un-ordinary' is. What my mistakes will be. I don't intend to be sorry.